to a mother from a child...

Dear Mother,

I know im not always the sweetest. and my room was never the cleanest. and my mouth is one of the wittiest. and i know u got tired of my disrespectfulness. but i never gave up and i want u to know im grateful. at times i would argue ur demands. only cause i didnt understand. that ur intrest was only ur BEST. so i would disobey, go my way, and do what the FUCK I WANT. so today i write u to say THANK YOU ... to say FUCK YOU...to say BITCH i RAISED ME. i made my OWN damn choices.that crack pipe in ur hands. is the reason why i always said fuck your demands. that u are pitiful. a waste of life . u spoke stupidity THATS why im always witty. and my room was only dirty cause I RUFUSED to give u a dollar. so u destroy my room in search of it. and with all the money in my pocket i refused to be SWEET and give u any. so mother u can "shove tht crack pipe up ur ass" cause now im walking across this stage arent u amazed? i got this far without ... YOU ... and now im leaving ... going so FAR that my chances of seeing u are slim to none ... where the ppl i meet will not know me as the crack head child... i will no longer get taunted cause of u ... but i still love u cause without u there would be no me.

*this is not from personal experience just something i made up..

so true...

so while on facebook i was reading my cousin's post and it really caught my attention and all kind of thought popped up in my head so im gonna use this post to just typing everything that comes to mind even if things dont make sense ... you be the judge ....

being happy means letting somethings go....
but the hardest thing is to realizing is it worth it...
u can get comfortable with how things are ...
to where going for happiness can make you miserable ...

like in the life of a drug addict ...

doing drugs make them happy,

but the drugs are killing them ,

so trying to leave drugs alone,

is misery to them,

viewing happiness in other eyes may not be happiness for you ...

happiness take soul searching,

finding you,

because if you let other people determine who u are ,

your be living in misery,

so maybe them drugs provide happiness to the addicts,

or maybe it just soothes them for the moment,

but when the go to find true happiness,

them drugs will be the last thing they will find...

for you i will

so i wrote this poem awhile ago for this guy...

butterflies,

stary eyes,

nothing even matters when i'm with you,

the doors to my heart is slowly opening,

please,

be patient with me,

opening my heart isn't to easy,

i know to love is to risk it all,

but,

i'm afraid to take risk,

i don't wanna risk being hurt,

i don't want my love to turn into hate,

and you know what they say,

there's a thin line between love and hate,

but,

they also say you learn from ur mistakes,

so slowly,

i'm removing my shield,

slowly,

giving u my heart,

hoping you'll love me,

just as much as i'll love you,

and i pray to god,

i wont regret,

giving my heart to you...

if u just realize

Now I have realized
That it's not always good to listen to your heart...
Your heart don't consider the bad things only hold on to the good things...
For some reason the heart is forgiving ...
While the brain never forget ...
The heart makes it hard to say goodbye...
The brain gives it the strength and allows you to cry...
Crying is good for the soul ...
It allows the heart to see...
To see what it tried to forget and forgive ....
But makes you then realize...
Realize that it's not always good to follow your heart...
Use your brain..
The brain keeps the heart from making the same mistake twice ...
So don't get so comfortable with following your heart ...
Because your heart will map out something that seems so perfect ....
But your brain will show you REALITY

I don't understand
I feel like I'm on a reality show
Fighting for his love
Willing to transpire to anything he want me too
Willing to do anything he want me to
Just to show him that my love is like no other
And he should pick me
He should give me his chain key to his heart and champagne
But, Now I'm tired
Tired of showing him that MY LOVE is unconditional
I wanna GO
Go back to where
who he kisses don't matter to me
And who he fuck all make sense
Sense to where he just another nigga and my heart don't scream from pain
I wanna make him history
Because if he truly love me is a mystery
Im not sure any more
If he loved me
he would know he don't have to look no further
He would feel that I'm all he need
And them other girls
Don't have non of his interest
So now I have to do what's best for me
It's best for me to walk out the door
Wipe my eyes,fight my tears
SO
he can keep his damn chain , key to his plastered ass heart and champagne

* i thought of this poem while watching For The Love Ray J