uhhh there is no excuse

i have been neglecting my blogspot :/ ... i need to get back on my shit .... errrr its been a long time .... work job little to none partying and i love partying and blogging but i havent been doing the two things i love partying and blogging... but i've been shopping nothing can stop me from shopping ... nothing at all :)

to a mother from a child...

Dear Mother,

I know im not always the sweetest. and my room was never the cleanest. and my mouth is one of the wittiest. and i know u got tired of my disrespectfulness. but i never gave up and i want u to know im grateful. at times i would argue ur demands. only cause i didnt understand. that ur intrest was only ur BEST. so i would disobey, go my way, and do what the FUCK I WANT. so today i write u to say THANK YOU ... to say FUCK YOU...to say BITCH i RAISED ME. i made my OWN damn choices.that crack pipe in ur hands. is the reason why i always said fuck your demands. that u are pitiful. a waste of life . u spoke stupidity THATS why im always witty. and my room was only dirty cause I RUFUSED to give u a dollar. so u destroy my room in search of it. and with all the money in my pocket i refused to be SWEET and give u any. so mother u can "shove tht crack pipe up ur ass" cause now im walking across this stage arent u amazed? i got this far without ... YOU ... and now im leaving ... going so FAR that my chances of seeing u are slim to none ... where the ppl i meet will not know me as the crack head child... i will no longer get taunted cause of u ... but i still love u cause without u there would be no me.

*this is not from personal experience just something i made up..

forever & a day....

i havent blogged in sooo long... but just to update u guys im back at Prairie View A&M ... this is my sophomore year ... errr things getting a little bit tough but im okay ... minor set backs for a big comeback! ...

so true...

so while on facebook i was reading my cousin's post and it really caught my attention and all kind of thought popped up in my head so im gonna use this post to just typing everything that comes to mind even if things dont make sense ... you be the judge ....

being happy means letting somethings go....
but the hardest thing is to realizing is it worth it...
u can get comfortable with how things are ...
to where going for happiness can make you miserable ...

like in the life of a drug addict ...

doing drugs make them happy,

but the drugs are killing them ,

so trying to leave drugs alone,

is misery to them,

viewing happiness in other eyes may not be happiness for you ...

happiness take soul searching,

finding you,

because if you let other people determine who u are ,

your be living in misery,

so maybe them drugs provide happiness to the addicts,

or maybe it just soothes them for the moment,

but when the go to find true happiness,

them drugs will be the last thing they will find...

heartless...

Heartless...

Not sure if i'll ever love another ,

My heart still hurt from the last motherfucker,

I guess you can say he fucked it up for the rest,

I don't love easy,

But I do love hard,

And yes that mother fucker left me scarred,

Not sure if I could love again ,

This shit hurt like hell,

The joy I got from love,

quickly turned bittersweet,

Everything I was afraid of has happened ,

Bitches started to appear,

Smiles turned into frowns,

Laughter turned into cries,

My heart is all fucked up in the inside,

With my pride,

I was able to patch things up,

No longer do I give a fuck,

Fuck crying fuck him fuck love,

I'm fine with loving myself,

Don't need no one else ,

for you i will

so i wrote this poem awhile ago for this guy...

butterflies,

stary eyes,

nothing even matters when i'm with you,

the doors to my heart is slowly opening,

please,

be patient with me,

opening my heart isn't to easy,

i know to love is to risk it all,

but,

i'm afraid to take risk,

i don't wanna risk being hurt,

i don't want my love to turn into hate,

and you know what they say,

there's a thin line between love and hate,

but,

they also say you learn from ur mistakes,

so slowly,

i'm removing my shield,

slowly,

giving u my heart,

hoping you'll love me,

just as much as i'll love you,

and i pray to god,

i wont regret,

giving my heart to you...

Mission Beach, California

FUN DAY..

sandy

lovely

beachy

day